Godzilla: Review

The best view of Godzilla you will get in 123 minutes

I originally planned to begin this post with a witty pun regarding Godzilla being a “Monstrosity”. “destroying expectation” or something similarly benign. However, it is perhaps in my lack of appetite for putting such effort into a quip that demonstrates best what a disappointing, flaccid and unimaginative mess Godzilla really is.

The marketing for Godzilla looked really promising, the very fashionable (and charismatic) Bryan Cranston featured heavily in promotional material, Godzilla looked magnificent in all his CGI glory and Avengers incumbent Aaron Johnson and Elizabeth Olsen were to cement their onscreen chemistry. It really felt the franchise finally had a savoir after Roland Emmerichs “most 90s film ever” had seemingly forever killed my generations love of gargantuan bipedal lizards. So, I sat in the cinema brimming with anticipation for what I was hoping would be Breaking Bad crossed with Pacific Rim. I wasn’t expecting tower-tall thunderlizards on Methamphetamine sporting pork-pie hats but I wasn’t expecting the borefest that endured.
Bryan Cranston is killed 30 minutes into the movie and the rest of the narrative follows the ridiculously named “Ford Brody” (Aaron Johnson) as he and his ridiculously thick neck run around trying to kill a pair of a ridiculously bland giant daddy-longlegs. I like Johnson, I am a big fan of his interpretation of Kick-Ass and I believe he has a promising career as both an actor and action star but he is, simply, not yet ready to carry a entire blockbuster movie himself, particularly one where nothing much happens for the best part of an hour-and-a-half. Godzilla suffers severe pacing issues, we do not meet the monster himself/herself until about 45 minutes in and he doesn’t actually do anything of note until 45 minutes after that. Godzilla’s presence in the movie is kept alive in the narrative by Ken Wantabes constant foreshadowing regarding a “apex predator” and the “rebalancing of nature”. This all gets very tiresome very quickly as the focus is on the previously mentioned “Giant Opiliones” and their horny sonar-speak. When we finally do have a clash of the titans the film makes the incomprehensible decision to cut away to scenes depicting Elizabeth Olsens parenting ineptitude and thus defeating the purpose of watching a Godzilla movie.

Heseinberg you are not

in Godzilla We witness lots of crashing trains, tidal waves and flickering electrical lights but a distinct lack of monster fights, I understand if the intent was to build to a final battle extravaganza (a la Pacific Rim) but even that is a mere damp squib compared to the majority of contemporary CGI blockbusters. One wonders whether Gareth Edwards, the director, should have stuck to the low-budget “less is more” for which he had such success. Talking about “less is more” it can’t be left unsaid in 2014 and with such a high budget films of this ilk should not be obscuring its star attractions behind band weather and darkness. We only have one real daylight shot of the titular beast and even that doesn’t linger nearly long enough.

For the sake of a balanced review I should probably think of something positive to say about the film but to do so is almost as challenging as it was to stay awake through the movies full two-hour plus showing. The only compliment I can pay the film is that it does do a good job of making a hero of Godzilla instead of portraying him as a mindless force of nature with the film having much more in common with a Spider-Man than the Day After Tomorrow, but even that is grasping at straws.
With two Hollywood stinkers now staining his name I think it’s time that this icon of black-and-white cinema returns to the obscurity of Japanese pop-culture, where he belongs.

Breaking Bad: five reasons why it is a modern masterpiece

Breaking Bad has a substance to it that is as addictive as the methamphetamine pedaled by its morally warped protagonist

Throughout its five series run we (the viewers) were indulged in perfect cocktail of drama, black comedy and downright badassary of a quality that, simply, is unparalleled in modern television. Much like The Sopranos before it, Breaking Bad, has been a lesson in both storytelling and breaking (haha) contemporary conventions of serial TV. The Sopranos was the master of manipulating its audience based on breaking the pre-conceived notions on narrative progression (such as Dr Melfis non-revenge against her rapist and the shows ambiguous ending) and subverting them which was revolutionary in a time when television predictable and formulaic. Breaking Bad has had to compete in the post-Lost era whereby a continuous narrative and the Hollywood B-teams are something of a trend. This has meant that Breaking Bad has had to raise the bar to an unprecedented level and offer something a little bit different.

So, instead of doing a bog-standard review or just dissecting everything I love about this series I am going to provide five reasons as to why I believe it has been the best show in a decade.

Pacing:
Breaking Bad was never one to drag out a plot-point for suspense and shock value. When Hank Schrader (Dean Norris) discovers his brother-in-law is infamous meth kingpin Heisenberg a lesser show would have dragged out the impending confrontation for two or three episodes (I’m looking at you Dexter). But no, two or three scenes later and Walt is the recipient of a well-deserved haymaker. Tuco Salamanca (Raymond Cruz) was introduced towards the end of season 1 and set up as the main villain for the following arc, however, he was dead by the second episode of season 2. Much like The Sopranos, Breaking Bad refuted the modern formula of serial television in favor of a more satisfying viewing experience.

Character Progression:
The evolution (or maybe devolution) of Walter White from affable-yet-vanilla science teacher to merciless-child-poisoning drug lord is, probably, what Breaking Bad will be most remembered for. We go on a journey with Walt, his motivations in the beginning seem understanding and even empathetic, however, by the time we reach the final third of the tale there is no doubt that Walter White is the shows singular “big bad”. We witness Jesse and his fight against both addiction and breaking the oppression that Walt has him under. Skyler goes from strong mother to adulterous independent to emotional prisoner. What makes these changes in character work is that they feel like natural developments to the circumstances of the plot. With Walter we learn that there was always a monster there but we just didn’t see it straight away.

A clear narrative:
This is down to the fabulous showrunners and the support shown to the clearly talented Vince Gilligan. No doubt aided by the fact that Breaking Bad did not breach into the mainstream until it reached its half-way point, therefore, it did not fall victim to its own popularity. So many decent shows start off strongly; such as Lost, Smallville, Prison Break and (especially) Dexter are unnecessarily expanded long beyond their expiry date by greedy network chiefs who believe they are onto a cash cow . The subsequent effect on a series that goes too long is the inevitable decline in quality and character. Dexter resorted to both “monster of the week” and “deus ex machina” to stretch itself to an additional three seasons, it had new supposedly “important” characters introduced each season that would be gone by the end while the regulars would nonsensically hook up with one another. Breaking Bad stuck to a tight guideline with a clear beginning, middle and end. It was simple. Breaking Bad had one route to its conclusion and not once relied on a twist or previously unmentioned character from the past, in fact, it largely held onto its original -core, unit with additions such as Saul Goodman and Mike Ehrmantraut being both mainstays and enhancing the story instead of just adding to it (I’m looking at you Joey Quinn). There was a single, bloody road to to the fall of Walter White and it was foreshadowed from its inception.

Morality:
I’ll keep this short. Walter White did a lot of bad things but he (or Jesse) always paid for them, the plane crash, Jane, the destruction of ones family and, of course, Hank. But despite Walts crimes things were never black and white, even Gus served the purpose of keeping cretins like Uncle Jack from scumming up the neighborhood and there was a human element to everything Walter did.

Bryan Cranston and Aaron Paul:
I would burst into fits of laughter every single time Walt and Jesse had one of their bear-hug/epic battles. The two men were so equally pathetic that watching them fight was a constant source of hilarity. As magnificent an actor that Bryan Cranston is he was never able to fully erase a certain child-minded father of six from my mind. At his most malevolent Walt still had the capacity to elicit a smile. Aaron Paul more than rose to the challenge and despite the doubtlessly pedantically scripted dialogue the two men have such effortless chemistry that it feels ad-lib. The legacy of Walter White and Jesse Pinkman and their matching Hazmat suits will be a presence at fancy-dress parties and kinky sex-parties for many a year to come.

Premier League Table Prediction

The most watched sporting league in the world is back! I have predicted what I think the table will look like and tried to keep my Liverpool bias at bay as much as possible. Much depends on the future of Rooney, Suarez and Bale though it is my belief that the former two will remain at their clubs for this window. Many more transfers are expected before deadline day but I believe, regardless, it will look something like this…

1: MANCHESTER CITY: New boss Manuel Pellegrini’s first priority will be spice up last season’s runners-up attacking play. The additions of Jesus Navas, Jovetic and Negrado provides City may not constitute starting players but offer plenty of variety in the attacking positions while Fernandinho will add some much-needed pace to the midfield. They woefully underperformed last year despite the best squad in the league. As ever City’s spine of Kompany, Aguero and Silva will be imperative to the team’s performance.
Key Player: Sergio Aguero, he won the league for City before; he has the nous to do it again.
2: CHELSEA: The Special One is finally back and the Mourinho factor is bound to give the club the extra boost they need to challenge for the title. Though the Premier League is more competitive today than when Mourinho helped the club to back-to-back title wins in 2005 and 2006. However, they will fall short at the final hurdle with a sub-par defence as Terry is no longer the player he was and Cahill, simply, not good enough.
Key Player: Eden Hazard, expect big things from the Belgian this year having settled in the EPL.
3: MANCHESTER UNITED: Alex Ferguson’s departure from the Red Devils has made United something of an unknown quantity. David Moyes showed what a good manager he was at Everton but has no experience of competitively challenging for multiple titles and has not added to a squad (though awesome) while his rivals have strengthened considerably. But with RVP firing one would expect them to take their enemies to the wire.
Key Player: Robin Van Persie, with Rooney’s future uncertain RVP is the teams’ sole superstar.
4: TOTTENHAM HOTSPUR: Will he stay or will he go? It’s impossible to exaggerate the importance of Gareth Bale to this team. Regardless of Bale, Spurs have built a physically imposing squad with arguably the best midfield in the league. Out are fringe team players like Parker and Dempsey with potential world-beaters like Paulinho and Soldado in replacement.
Key Player: If Bale goes it will be up to Roberto Soldado to provide the last-minute winners.
5: LIVERPOOL: In the second half of last year they were very, very good and played the most attractive football in the league. If Suarez stays and FSG actually decide to spend some money then expect Liverpool to be top-4 contenders, but that’s a mighty big IF. Rodgers has had a year to mould the team into one that is starting to resemble his philosophy with a significantly stronger squad, if not first eleven, than last year. However, a wonky Carra-less defence and a lack of character in the squad could mean the fourth spot is just a step to far.
Key Player: Phillipe Coutinho has the whiff of Iniesta about him; stylish passing and pace to burn.

Can Liverpool rejoin the Elite this year?

6: ARSENAL: Farcinal have managed to outdo themselves this year with stereotypical Frenchman “Le Professeur” being frugal to the point of worldwide ridicule. They clearly need one or two big name signings to help them challenge for the title. For Wegner to have let Higuain and Gustavo slip through his fingers and go to lesser clubs has been pure lunacy. Though Arsenal do live in fourth place no matter how many times I predict the opposite.
Key Player: Laurent Koscielny will be looked on to plug the holes in a squad lacking steel.
7: WEST HAM: You can say what you like about Big Sam Allardyce but his Premier League record is undisputed. Hard to beat at home with a strong defensive record they could really push for a cup title or Europa League spot this year. Alladyce has made the most of Liverpools firesale with Cole, Downing and Carroll a trio of talented, hard-working characters who know each other well. The prospect of Jarvis and Downing on each flank with Andy Carroll’s head between them is utterly fearsome.
Key Player: Andy Carroll, a towering beast born out of Sam Allerdyce/Tony Pulis wet-dream.
8: SWANSEA CITY: Michael Laudrup’s team has made some terrific signings with Jonjo Shelvey and Wilfried Bony (scorer of 31 goals in 30 games in last year’s Eredivisie) catching the eye. They have the potential to break into the top eight but the squad may be stretched thin as they have to juggle their domestic commitments with Europa League action. Other teams will be more aware of a certain Mr Michu so don’t expect him to see him score so many goals; at least in the EPL.
Key Player: Wilifired Bony, expect him to be linked with top Champions League teams next summer.
9: NORWICH CITY: Chris Hughton has been the most astute manager in the transfer window using the new TV money intelligently to overhaul his attacking options. Gone is Championship lump Grant Holt with Ricky van Wolfswinkel (Sporting Lisbon, £8.5m), Leroy Fer (FC Twente, £7m), Gary Hooper (Celtic, £5m), Martin Olsson (Blackburn, £2.5m), Nathan Redmond (Birmingham, £2.2m rising to £3.2m) all sexing up a squad in dire need of some glamour. If each man beds in as well as the quality of his reputation then expect Norwich to consolidate themselves as a Premier League outfit.
Key Player: Leroy Fer has the ability to run the midfield with his impressive engine.
10: EVERTON: Roberto Martinez has transition on the cards at Goodison Park as the team gets used to a new, more continental playing style. TIt will be hard for the Toffees to better last season’s sixth place and with Martinez and his preference for a high defensive-line they will surely lose (but maybe win) more games. A lot depends on whether Fellaini and Baines staying the clubs. If he can stay fit expect Kevin Mirallas to break double goal-figures.
Key Player: Leighton Baines, if he can repeat his league topping goal-creation stats from last season

11: FULHAM: Many would have predicted Martin Jol’s side to falter this season but the additions of Adel Taarabt and Darren Bent (both on loan) represent some goal-scoring backup for the enigmatic Berbatov. Fernando Amorebieta from Bibao is an experienced international defender and Maarten Stekelenburg will be keen to cement his place at the Dutch number 1. Though there have been many outs at Craven Cottage the squad is still largely in the latter years of their career and this season will test their stamina to the max.
Key Player: Dimitar Berbatov is the classiest player in British football, a joy to watch.
12: WEST BROMWICH ALBION: Steve Clarke’s team overachieved greatly last season and the return of top scorer Lukaku to Chelsea hardly helps their cause. Too solid a unit to go down; expect them to struggle in the latter parts of the season as they rely on the tired legs of Anelka to score the goals.
Key Player: Diego Lugano has 85 caps for Uraguay and will need all of them to fend off Premier League strikers.
13: ASTON VILLA: Just escaped relegation after a traumatic campaign but this is a young side (an average age of 23) with plenty of talent and they should do better this year having been thrown in at the deep end last year. Mid-table mediocrity beckons for Paul Lamberts side.
Key Player: Christian Benteke; Flash in the pan or the new Didier Drogba? This season we find out.
14: SOUTHAMPTON: Mauricio Pochettino’s side pulled away from the teams struggling towards the bottom last season with impressive wins against Manchester City and Liverpool. Victor Wanyama (Celtic, £12.5m), and Dejan Lovren (Lyon, £8.5m) look to be above-their-station signings but both are unproven in a competitive league and Wanyama, in particular, is known to loose possession constantly. Hard to see them breaking into the top half but they have more than enough to stay up.
Key Player: Jay Rodriguez, this could be the versatile forwards opportunity to book a flight to Rio.
15: NEWCASTLE UNITED: Joe (fucking) Kinnear has ensured a season instability and power-struggles at the North-East club this season for a talented squad that has been dire in the last twelve months. They do have the air of a team in decline and Alan Pardew is the bookies favourite for the sack-race. Despite the problems payers such as Cabaye (Kebab) and Ben Arfa (Ben Afri0 have the ability to drag the squad through the mire but a season spent in the bottom half of the table looks likely.
Key Man: Yohan Cabaye, dark times in Newcastle if the playmaker moves back to France.

16: CARDIFF CITY: The Welsh side should have enough strength of character to avoid an immediate return to the Championship. However, quality players seem reluctant to sign and the fans are at odds with the eccentric owner. Malky Mackay is a likable chap but may find himself out of his depth in the fearsome Premier League.
Key Player: Craig Bellamy, now more than ever the Welshman’s extensive experience is needed by his teammates.
17: SUNDERLAND: Finished in 17th position last year – and 50 per cent of sides who have finished there in the last 18 seasons has been relegated the following year. Paolo Di Canio has completely gutted the squad with double-figures coming in and even more out. Expect the Italian to be box-office as his inexperience and hot-temper cloud his judgement. Jozy Altidore (AZ Alkmaar, £6.5m), and Emanuele Giaccherini (Juventus, £6.5m) represent great business and could be the difference between survival and relegation.
Key Player: Emanuele Giaccherini is an experienced and versatile player, a real coup for the club.
18: STOKE CITY: Mark Hughes flopped badly at QPR and his continued hiring by Premier League clubs is truly astounding. Hughes has inherited a rambunctious rugby-team of a squad and has reversed his QPR policy by barely spending a dime. Pulis may be gone but expect another season of air-ball and shin-kicking just don’t expect it to be nearly as effective.
Key Player: Charlie Adams performances were undermined by personal loss last year, hopefully his head is straight now and he can delight audiences with his set-pieces.
19: CRYSTAL PALACE: Palace has never survived more than one season in the Premier League in four previous attempts. However, they’ve got an inspirational manager in Ian Holloway, who plays an entertaining brand of football and is the most quotable manager this side of Mourinho. The fact remains that Palace is severely underpowered compared to their contemporaries.
Key Player: Julian Speroni is in for a stressful year.
20: HULL CITY TIGERS: Steve Bruce will have them well organised but the newly promoted side are likely to struggle for goals having scored a pitiful 61 in the Championship. Unless Hull spends some money fast the new addition to their title will not be the only thing opposition fans will be laughing at.
Key Player: Tom Huddlestone, Huddlestone has fantastic passing ability and will be looking to put himself back in England contention.
So that’s it! My other predictions include Mackay to win the sack race, Aguero to top the goal scoring charts, Hazard to prove himself a superstar and Coutinho to win young player of the year.

So that’s it! My other predictions include Mackay to win the sack race, Aguero to top the goal scoring charts, Hazard to prove himself a superstar and Coutinho to win young player of the year.

Disnification and Jeph Loeb ruining everything

Jeph Leob was once a revered figure to myself and many others. His work in the 90s (Batman: The Long Halloween, the Marvel “colour” books) and particularly his collaborations with Tim Sale were among the few shinning lights in an era where it felt as though Rob Liefeld was (attempting) writing and illustrating EVERYTHING.

However, as the times changed and comic books evolved with talented (and critically acclaimed) wordsmiths like Brian K Vaughan, Grant Morrison, Mark Millar and Bill Willingham raising the standard and transforming the medium into a more credible one. Loeb would spend much of the latter naughties flitting between comic writing and television (notably Smallville) before he was tasked with revitalizing two ailing Marvel franchises; Hulk and the Ultimate imprint. What followed was two of the most unspeakably heinous atrocities in contemporary comics. Loeb single-highhandedly managed to destroy ten years of success with the Ultimate franchise with banal childish dialogue, needlessly explicit violence and 2d characterization all-the-time ignoring previous continuity and character development. Mark Millar and Brian Michael Bendis whom had put such creativity and dynamism into a more modern tale of the Marvel mythos must have been utterly distraught. Ultimatum (Loebs Ultimate endgame) is widely regarded as the worst story-arc of the last decade and was universally condemned. One would think in the wake of such tragedy and widespread panning that Marvel would see logic and ensure this man was never tasked with anything more complicated than post-duty.

Enter Disney.

Disney’s 2009 takeover of Marvel struck fear into many; worries about catering to kiddies and a Pirates of The Caribbean crossover with Iron Man (the though of Johnny Depp and Robert Downey Junior both trying to out-ham each other in the same film is positively frightening). I, however, was always more subdued. I am a long-term believer that, particularly in animation, that Disney was a pioneer in quality storytelling and strong, focused creativity. I put my trust in them completely.

Then they hired Jeph Loeb.

Loeb was appointed in the “godfather” role (officially titled Head of Television) for Disney’s rebooting of the Marvel televised department. Initially this did not seem like too much of an issue, Loeb had been considerably more consistent with his televised work in recent years with successes like (the awful) Heroes and Smallville. But before long my naive optimism was brought to an end and the drip-feed of dread began. First was the cancellation of “The Spectacular Spider-Man” to be replaced by the “Ultimate Spider-Man”. This angered me, Spectacular was the most well-written, engaging and true-to-its roots iteration but I forgave Disney; it was understanding that they would want to introduce their own ideas. Secondly, Avengers:Earths Mightiest Heroes was similarly replaced and so, it began.

…And my forgiveness was forsaken.

Before I go onto my rant I will give a bit of context. I am a 25 year-old man, I also hold an English-focused degree that spent a considerable amount of my time analyzing plot, narrative and audience in various different mediums. This, however, does not mean I believe cartoons should be anything more than light entertainment nor does it mean I see some hidden meaning others don’t. But as an avid comics reader who has been blessed to have grown up in an era where Batman: The Animated Series, X-men: TAS, Justice League Unlimited,The DC Animated Movies, Spectacular Spider-Man and Young Justice have graced my screen and inspired my mind I believe it is perfectly reasonable to expect a certain level of maturity and quality to come from Superhero animation. The aforementioned animation is what inducted me (and millions of others) into the world of comic-books, they were shows designed to ship toys and comic-books, of course, but primarily they were concerned with telling a story and giving us kick-ass action scenes.

It was awesome.

Best of all, I could happily sit down at the age of 35 and watch every single one of those shows and be engaged and entertained with what I was watching without feeling guilty. They didn’t patronize.

And thus the rant begins. Loeb and his cohorts came to the decision that the new Marvel Animated Universe would be a shared one. One where, like the movies, they were all to be interconnected but could also be enjoyed individually. Ultimate Spider-Man would give us little to enjoy and foreshadowed what be some of the most intrepid, low-quality, rubbish EVER committed to animation. Not only does Spider-Man himself have the grating and effeminately nasal vocals of Drake Bell to nauseate our eardrums with but the animation is sub-par with a continued use of “paneling” to give the illusion of movement, thus ensuring I feel visually violated also. Corners are constantly cut with intrusive close-up shots the order of the day (to distract from the crappily rendered backdrops I suppose). USM is an antithesis of what came before; it is patronizing, it is aimed only at kids, its insults its audience (even kids). But worst of all; USM bastardized the source material. with “Ultimate” in the title I accepted that the classic interpretation of the character would be forgone for the imprinted one. However what USM treats us to is an animal all of it own making. Gone are Peters days as a nerd trying to balance surviving high-school with his super-heroing duties and we are instead treated to Peter Parker: Agent of S.H.I.E.D,  leader of C-list Superhero team and comedian extraordinaire. Borrowing the format of cult-classic 90s phenomenon “Saved by the Bell” the viewer is treated to supposedly “humorous” moments where Parker breaks the fourth-wall to divulge his thoughts and feelings and to make a cringe-worthy “witticism”. It’s a truly appalling sight to behold and feels like another cheap-out trick to distract from the crappiness of the animation AND the script-writing. Spideys supporting cast of Luke Cage, Iron Fist, White Tiger and Nova are a conveniently multicultural crew being African-American, Caucasian, Latina and Mixed-race respectively. I understand the need for diversity but if we are going to be diverse can we at least have characters of note? ones who don’t spout predictable, bland dialogue and the pathological need to be saved by the white-boy Wall-Crawler?

USM shat all over Spider-Mans mythos and raped my trust in Disney, Marvel and my hope for a future in 2D animation. All in one foul, underhanded punch to the gut.

However, clearly, this was not enough for Loeb. USM was ,within a meager two years, followed by “Avengers Assemble” and “Hulk and the Agents of Smash”. Both are blighted with the exact same problems as their predecessor. A focus on childish, slapstick humor (Hulk, Thor and Black Widow actually go to blows over a bowl of cookies…A BOWL OF COOKIES) and an utter disregard for an audience over ten. It has no appeal after that age, with no plot complexity, character development or visual innovation, compared to its DC counterparts which regularly challenge its viewers (primarily the recently cancelled but excellent Young Justice) and the Marvels cartoons just do not compete. “Hulk” is particularly vulgar with the “Drake Bell-level” irritating Seth Green populating segments with a reality-TV style talk-to-the-camera moment which is so forced and unfunny that I found it personally offensive.

Anyway, this blog was 600 words longer than intended so I will end by giving you my theory on Loeb.

I believe that Disney specifically intended to appeal to just young children with its new programming. I believe that they felt that we, the older fans, felt we still had the comics and that this heavy-handed, classless approach would appeal to a new audience generating new supporters; after all, they have their old ones for life. I believe that based on the awful reception Loeb received with his work on the Ultimate imprint that they had who ready-made scapegoat. They knew that by making a figurehead of Loeb,a man who many felt could not possibly out-crap Ultimatum, they had someone who would take all the flak from the fans and the older audience. He is, simply, a hate-figure. I’m sure Jeph is a great guy in person but for the love of his industry one hopes he would hurry up and f**king retire. So Disney are the real villains and Jeph is a proxy in a terrible game of chess.

As of yet Marvel have not previewed their upcoming X-men show. As my poison I pray to any god that will listen that they can pull one out the bag and do it right. X-men is significantly darker than its peers and explores a lot of themes and issues that are simply too important to be doused in slapstick and bad animation.

I don’t hold my breath.

Pacific Rim: Review

“As a war between humankind and monstrous sea creatures wages on, a former pilot and a trainee are paired up to drive a seemingly obsolete special weapon in a desperate effort to save the world from the apocalypse”

Pacific Rim is to many an otaku something of a fantasy come true. Giant man-driven robots battling against colossal Godzilla-type aliens is pure, unbridled nerd pornography (with a terrifically suggestive title to boot). A high-concept actioner like this has previously been hamstrung by camp and/or shoddy visual effects (see Power Rangers) and the lack of a director with enough gusto and vision to be able to bring such a film to screen.

Guillermo del Toro is a man undoubtedly qualified to perform such a feat. Its very telling of del Toros passion for the project that he was willing to walk away from a monolith like The Hobbit in order to fully realize his vision. The main strength of the film is the signature style employed by del Toro. The robots truly look and move like one would imagine such cumbersome machines would with millions of visibly moving parts and a heavy momentum with every step. The city of Hong Kong (the primary location of the film) is also a vivid, colorful and somewhat nautical metropolis. These aesthetically pleasing and original visuals make for compelling and spectacular action sequences as the Goliaths battle. These fight sequences, though sparse, are very gratifying with plenty of “holy s**t” moments coming, be it a jaw-shattering punch or a 60,000 feet sword-wielding nosedive . However, the dramatic visuals are not without their drawbacks. We are introduced to fantastically individual designs in the four “Jaegers”, however, these individualities are clouded throughout the film by the overebundance of rain and swirling water. I understand with the aquatic plot-line and title the importance of the ocean but it really does distract from the magnificent work put into the designs and add a bland sheen that is truly disappointing.

Bland: Charlie Hunnam

Unfortunately the monster vs robot “kicking the snot out of each other” plot is where Pacific Rim should have stopped story-wise. The viewer is bombarded with overly complicated concepts of mind-merging, dimensional rifts and global political alliances. Its not that a sci-fi blockbuster should not have intellectually challenging ideas but its that they are incredibly tedious. Charlie Hunnam is a talented actor (who is excellent in Sons of Anarchy) but comes up as something of a charisma-vacuum throughout the film and is portrayed as the the A-typical hero, bland and uninspired. Humman is not helped by starring alongside Idris Elba who is routinely excellent and seeps worldly gravitas through every pore. Elba aside the films romance feels forced and unnecessary, Charlie Day (the human equivalent of marmite) is annoying and Robert Kazinsky (Sean from Eastenders) is guilty of one of the most stereotypically bad Australian accents in the history of film.

Pacific Rim is a genre film that is exemplary in its catering to a young male audience. However the lack of substance beneath an impressive gloss. The film ultimately feels like many-another film bearing “rim” in the title, you find yourself fast-forwarding to the “action” scenes and feeling sad and empty at the climax.

Silly Season and the Suarez Conundrum

Key man: Luis Suarez

Being a Liverpool fan I am hesitant to blog about club football, particularly during the transfer window due to it almost always being a depressing experience. However, despite only being in mid-July the anticipation for a exhaustively exciting Premier League has forced my hand.

Luis Suarez is, in my opinion, the second best player in the Premier League (behind the force of nature which is Gareth Bale) and is the best striker in the league by quite a margin (sorry RVP) so as to why Liverpool would consider selling him for a paltry 40 million pounds is truly beyond me. So far this transfer window we have already seen some gargantuan business being done with Neymar going to Barcelona (around 50million euros) and the staggering PSG capture of Cavani for a greatly inflated 60million euros. This is illustrative of the value and rarity of top-class strikers in world football with Suarez being (in my opinion) as good, if not better than either of the aforementioned. Suarez comes with a considerable amount of baggage, the Evra racism row, the alleged diving and, of course, the Ivanovic dining experience. However, this does not take away his value to the Liverpool team. Suarez always plays on the edge, he is a madman, his brilliance is partially down to the fiercely combative and niggley nature of his personality. He is an arsehole…but he’s our arsehole. Suarez is by far and away the best player in Liverpools squad and with a couple of additions in both defense and midfield Liverpool offer a very viable threat to the champions league places available at the top of the table. If you look at manager Brendan Rodgers recent signings it is clear that he is building a fluid, attacking and continental type team; the sort of team in which Suarez could flourish.

Suarez has been no stranger to controversy in his time at Liverpool

This is why I am astounded at the clubs lack of a vehement “fuck you” to Arsenal regarding their insulting if not hilarious 30million bid. Arsenal are Liverpools nearest objective in gaining the desired 4th place spot in the league and the thought of LFC selling their marquee player and strengthening such a close rival would be an act akin to madness. Were Suarez to go to Chelsea or Manchester City I could understand it, they are viable challengers for the title, but to Arsenal? Arsenal haven’t looked like winning the title for several years and mount the most laughable European attempt time after time, it does not constitute a step-up for Suarez that were he to make would be deserved.
The fact is if Arsenal do sign Suarez than Liverpool can wave goodbye to Champions League for another four years in an act that would echo Van Persies move to Man United from Arsenal last year. Of course this could just be a proxy game by Wenger to flush out Higuain or even a smokescreen for Rooney considering their supposed influx of cash. Being an Arsenal fan is probably only marginally less frustrating than supporting Liverpool due to their deceptive behavior employed at the time of ticket renewals. This generally ends with a twenty-year old Frenchman signing from a club nobody has ever heard of.

Arsene Wegner has made Suarez his no1 summer target

Much more likely would be Suarez’s desired move to Real Madrid and if one were to be cynical that looks considerably more likely now that Real have jacked up Gonzalo Higuains market value to past the 30million mark; a player plus deal for Suarez perhaps?
If Real come in and test the 40million “consideration clause” then Suarez will likely hand in a transfer request which would make it harder for LFC to keep him. Though I do have my doubts about their interest in Suarez. Having recently signed the prolific Isco and Illarramendi for near 60million it raises questions as to where exactly Suarez would play. Isco is an undoubted number 10 in a club that already has the majestic Mesut Ozil and the big man himself, Ronaldo, plays on the left of midfield but in an incredibly advanced position, not to mention the genuine interest in Bale who, even if he signs in a years time is a guarenteed starter. Yes, Suarez is a striker and these players are not, however, in a system that integrates the aforementioned type of players it is unlikely that a withdrawn, ball-chasing striker like Suarez would fit the bill when a poaching player is needed. In fact the perfect person for that striking role is already at the club…Gonzalo Higuain. With nice-guy Ancellotti at the helm I see it as very likely he will want to give all the players a chance to prove themselves, especially the criminally underrated Higuain who has a thoroughly impressive scoring record.

Underrated: Too good for Arsenal; Higuain

In my opinion holding on to Suarez, even if it is just for one more year, is imperative to the success of the club. This is not just about how great the player is. Liverpool do not want to build a reputation as a selling or feeder club, particularly, not to league rivals. By holding firm on Suarez no matter how much he kicks and screams displays both their ambition to succeed and the refutation that they accept mid-table mediocrity. When a club can not offer champions league football the best players are beyond reach and players like Suarez nigh-on impossible. Even were Suarez to be sold for 40million there is no way his quality can be replaced. Many fans have tried to cushion the loss by stating that LFC will just purchase two-or-three 20million players, however, players of that level simply will not sign for LFC while they aren’t in the CL and/or do not have that top echelon of player. LFCs best scenario would be holding on to Luis for one more year and mounting a credible top four challenge, if they do so then players will be more inclined to sign next year. But so long as LFC are finishing 7th and 8th the top players won’t come. The top players will want to leave.

Brendan Rodgers must do everything within his power to keep hold of Suarez

PS- this excellent Uruguayan advert may display Luis isn’t such a bad guy after all

Maniac, Welcome to Franks World

Maniac (directed by Franck Khalfoun) is the latest slasher-horror to be brought to our screens from Alexandre Aja; the sick mind that brought us contemporary horror classics such as The Hills Have Eyes and (the less classic) Piranha 3D.  It stars Frodo himself (Elijah Wood) in the titular role and takes place in neon-blighted Los Angeles.  Technically a remake of the 1980 original; Maniac endeavors to put a sickening new spin on a somewhat tired genre.

In terms of concept, narrative and character Maniac is pretty-much standard slasher fare.  Our protagonist is a disturbed young mannequin salesman who freelances as a scalp-hunter and shares a distinct psychosis and modus operandi with a certain Mr Bates.  Rather predictably, said scalps tend to find themselves a rather charming new home among said mannequins (as if mannequins could actually get any creepier) .Where Maniac differs from its contemporaries is with its delivery, Maniac tells almost entirely through a first-person perspective and not just any POV, but that of its killer.

From beginning to end Maniac is unsettling and gruesome experience.  The film displays to the viewer every grizzly act committed by the unhinged schizophrenic Frank (Elijah Wood).  Having a front row seat to every motion of a human scalping is wincing in notion and is more troubling than anything you are likely to see in cinemas this Halloween.  We are not merely watching Frank hunt and stalk his prey but we are in there with him, privy to his mutterings ad plans.  The most memorable moment for me involved Frank chasing a girl through the underground and eventually to an abandoned car park.  As Frank gates the back entrance and crawls into hiding underneath the car we, the viewer, know exactly what is coming next.  So watching Franks prey fall victim to the exact fate stipulated moments before is unique as a horror-delivery device.  In a genre that largely relies on shock-factor Maniac somehow manages to evolve technique into a new level in depravity, one that is much more effective and considerably more distressing.

The POV format offers a voyeuristic guilty-pleasure to the viewing experience. I am not a woman-hating sociopath who dreams of stalking women but there is undoubtedly a thrill to be had from Franks perspective.  The routine way he skulks about a victims home undetected as they shower or picks his next victim among a crowded street really immerses the view and leaves one pondering as to how they would go about, almost as if it were a point-and-click videogame as opposed to cinematic experience.  The film cleverly integrates spot-the-killer moments through mirrors, reflections and various methods which keep the film aesthetically interesting and the format from going completely stale.

Maniac is not, however, without its faults.  Despite being a slender 88 minutes the film does feel overly weighty and slow in certain places and could have done with a more extensive use of dialogue to better understand some of its few characters.  Neither was I fan of the flashback sequences used throughout the film, of course Frank is like he is due to his stereotypically slutty amoral mother but the jarring in-and-out of first person in order to fully narrate these sequences to the viewer often felt heavy-handed and, at times, needless.  Though I enjoyed the bright, lavish and paradisiacal interpretation of L.A and its juxtaposition with the grimy, perverted acts of its protagonist it does feel like a missed chance to elaborate on a more realistic portrayal of the lifestyle of a serial killer.  I do, however, believe that a more grounded, gritty style may have tipped the film from being “art” to full-on horror-porn and I am sure that is not a route anyone wants to go down.

Woods performance is difficult to define due to his lack of actual screen time and, frankly, his voice has carried a creepy-neurotic quality in every role he has ever had.  I do, however, predict great thins for Nora Arnezeder(the female lead) who is not only staggeringly beautiful but has heft charisma and presence for such a young age.

Maniac will assuredly carve out a cult-status spot of its own among horror and gore fans, a category which I just about fall into.  Though Maniac is not a film to be recommended to just anyone I am sure that many will take issue with its voyeuristic and almost hedonistic nature of its delivery and lack of plot.  Maniac has the makings to be a horror-classic but it’s overly gracious violence and sexuality stops it short of transcending its genre limitations.

Man of Steel, or just a Wooden Man?

My headline may seem a bit harsh.  Henry Cavill is a likeable chap and fellow Englishman therefore I feel a tad guilty.  However, Cavills performance fundamentally encapsulates what is both right and wrong with this film; great to look at with a emphatically pleasing narrative but,at the same time,  taking  itself far too seriously.

Man of Steel takes a decidedly sci-fi approach to Supermans origins.  For the first time viewers are given a real glimpse of Krypton and a sense of the ideological ad ecological crisis that is destroying it.  It was in this opening twenty minutes that Man of Steel most differentiated itself from its super-heroic contemporaries as it has a very fantastical feel to it, so much so that at one point Russell Crowe (playing Jor-El, Clarks father) is even soaring through the air on what can only be described as a space-dragon.   Immediately after we leave space the story flashforwards to Clark living on Earth having reached his mid-thirties. It is here that the true tone of the film is first established, this isn’t the Clark Kent we know from the Christopher Reeve years but a dishevelled vagrant who is literally searching for his place in a world he fears will never truly accept him.  Watching Clark walk through flames and show-off his almost cgi-perfect pecs in order to save an endangered oil-rig crew was a particular highlight of mine.  The film has been aggressively marketed as being “godfathered” by Christopher Nolan (of Dark Knight fame) and this is evident throughout the movie, from the gritty and dark use of colour to the isolated turmoil of its protagonist.

It is The Dark Knightishness of Man Of Steel that contributes both to what is compelling and problematic with Zack Snyders rebooted epic.  The themes and narrative perfectly convey the  vision of an alien who is all alone on an adopted planet and undergoing some sort of identity crisis (ho-ho DC crossover reference alert).  But it is also this moodiness that weighs heavy on the film. The base concept of men in garish bicep-silhouetting garb swooping about the sky and walloping each other through skyscrapers is pretty ridiculous but Man of Steel refuses to acknowledge that.  I hate to compare but this fact is acknowledged and embraced in other superhero films such as Iron Man and Thor, both of which had a great deal of levity.  Man of Steel is somewhat po-faced and full of self-regard, there is not a single moment throughout the film that even elicit the slightest smile or whiff of laughter.  This lack of humour is compounded by the fact that the cast is relatively heavyweight with respected actors such as Laurence Fishburne, Amy Adams and Kevin Costner is supporting roles.  Lois Lane and Perry White add nothing to story, they are bland, lack character and make the movie feel more like a typical “disaster-movie” as opposed to a Superman one.   Cavill makes a dashing Superman but is straight-faced to such degree that he makes Bales Batman look positively “fabulous”.  When Cavil first flies or is reunited with a holographic image of his true father there is never a resonance that the narrative is driving towards.

This leads me on to my second big issue with the movie.

Superman is a force for good because of his upbringing.  He is not like Batman or Spider-man who both became heroes due to their own tragic upbringings they were changed by events in their lives.  Traditionally Jonathan Kent (Kevin Costner) is a driving force into forging Kent into Superman, it is his ideals and beliefs that heavily the persona that Clark would later adopt.  Man of Steel, however, wanders into more familiar fare and decides to give Mr Costner a more spectacular exit.  I feel that had Costner bowed out in a less heroic and more mortal way (as he does in the original comics) the audience would have engaged more with Supermans plight as a superior-being impervious to many of our worlds ills.  This is a guy who had the powers of a God and chose not power or self-satisfaction but tried to make the world better for others.  That is fundamentally who Superman is and, I feel, Man of Steel really miss that point.

I really wanted to love Man of Steel, I can’t remember the last time a movies trailers excited me so much.  The  action is excellent and the story gets more right then it does wrong.  However, it is let down by what I consider a serious flaw in the understanding of Superman and is devoid of other thrills than those provided by its CGI plagued action sequences.  Superman is not supposed to be dark and broody.  The foundations are there for a sequel to improve.  One can only hope that a well-cast Lex Luthor and a less moody writing crew can, perhaps, re-invigorate this ailing franchise.

Goodnight Capo

I was distressed and saddened at the passing of phenomenal character-actor James Gandolfini.  I fully acknowledge that I was rather unfashionable in having started to watch The Sopranos some six years after it ended but I believe my awe of the show (Gandolfini in particular) so long after it aired is indicative of how well-made the HBO classic truly was.  Before discovering the show and based on its promotion and scene-stills I had assumed that Tony Soprano would merely be the typical hyper-macho archetypical gangster.  It was clear from the first episode of The Sopranos that its lead was a complicated and compelling man rather than just a well-dressed thug.

What impressed me most about Gandolfini was not just the gravitas and drama of a mob boss going through an existential crisis that he so brilliantly encapsulated but the amazing heart that accompanied it.  Tony Soprano was a literal ball of charisma.  Tonys size and lack of hair was never a barrier to his success with women with his business or in daily life.  Gandolfini just had an inherent likeability that is hard to put into words, whether it was his hilariously disparaging marks to his own son or when he was crushing the skull of the gangster who killed his favourite horse, Tony was never less than lovable.  A cheeky smile and a twikle in his eyes could still melt the heart of all who watched (even butch heterosexual men like me).

So R.I.P James Gandolfini and many thanks for bringing the world one of its most notorious, memorable and show-stealing characters.

The Last of Us: A Review

“Are you getting The Last of Us on Friday?”

“Isn’t that the new zombie game?”

“Yeah, sort-of”

“Nah, not really into that”

The above is the transcript of a conversation between me and one of my similarly socially decrepit gamer-friends.  In a generation defined by first-person shooters the truth is that the gaming medium has been oversaturated with grimy post-apocalyptic cityscapes and undead wildernesses.  It is no wonder that word of a new survival-horror involving flesh-eaters may not have peaked the interest of many, well, that was until the reviews started to hit the net and boy did they hit hard.  It is not despite but because of the aforementioned issues that The Last of Us stands out, not just as the greatest game of its type nor as the greatest game of its platform, no, The Last of Us is the greatest game of its generation.

The player takes control of Joel a jaded and violent Boston-based smuggler who supplies insurgents with weapons.  As circumstances unfold Joel is tasked with sneaking 14-year old Ellie out of the city and across a dilapidated and dangerous United States.  This dystopian world is populated by masses of “infected” human beings who have contracted a disease which turns them into cannibalistic madmen with fungus growing out their face.  It is these encounters which  provide the scares and most terrifying moments of the game and demonstrate The Last of Us’s greatest quality, its pacing.  The “infected” are used to such sparing effect that when they do show up they remain a panic-inducing and genuinely frightening experience and so the player never feels like this merely another zombie shooter.  A screech in the distance or a “clicking” in the dark are enough to remind you that they are viable and constant threat, however, as the narrative progresses we learn what  George A Romero taught us…The real threat is man.  The bulk of combat in The Last of Us is with other survivors, men who are just as brutal and unforgiving as the player can be, men who wield nail-studded planks and sawn-off shotguns.

Although the combat largely feels similar to Uncharted, its predecessor, there are subtle changes that fit more in the survival theme. The weapons feel weighty and sway when you aim, melee combat feels improvised and amateur and Joel is no platform-jumping acrobat.  To further the more “gritty” approach there is no chasm-jumping in order to overcome obstacles but rather you are reliant on common sense and cooperation.  In order to reach higher levels and difficult places Joel and Ellie will have to work together via lifts, plank-scavenging and/or crawling through tight spaces.  The game does a fantastic job of ensuring that your comrade is an aid and essential part of the experience as opposed to a burden.  Naughty Dog took the wise move of making sure Ellie was undetectable by enemy A.I whilst sneaking in order to make the all-to familiar sensation of wishing a NPC dead a non-issue.  The most notable difference from the Uncharted series is that there is a distinct lack of ammunition and supplies. Over the course of the game you really do build quite the arsenal from flamethrowers to bows and nail-bombs and due to resources being sparse and unlike many games you find yourself employing all of this arsenal instead of sticking to one weapon or the other.  This is made all the more trilling by the inclusion of a live inventory menu, one that requires the player to physically bandage their wounds or upgrade their weapon while chaos is ensuring around you.  It is these gameplay mechanics that further add to the feeling of being a scavenger and not a simple grunt, choosing a time to rest up and count your rations is a crucial strategy before wading into the unknown.  Much like the latter Uncharted titles the player would be wise to employ sneaking and diversionary tactics in order to overcome ones foes.  The “clickers” being the most deadly of the infected are totally blind and hunt by sound but can kill you instantly so approaching a situation in the right manner is vital.  The game levels are quite large and though linear in nature the player is generally provided with a multitude of directions or strategies in order to progress.  By the end of the game you will thank the lord that the inhabitants of Naughty Dogs epic are seemingly all alcoholic as using empty wine bottles as a diversion is a constant necessity.

I now come to the real crux of what makes this game so special.  It is not just that The Last of Us has a great story but the emotional impact that the story has.  The seamless integration of the characters and relationship between Ellie and Joel into the gameplay means an affection for these characters is built that I would argue surpasses any film.  Watching Ellie wonder at a world she never knew and seeing Joels growing fondness for her over the course of the game is truly heart-warming andhow often can you honestly say that about a game?  What amazes me the most is that all-through the game subverts the conventions of the genre and story-type to delude you into believing you know how it will end.  It is here that Naught Dog buck the trend by supplying us with a resolution that does not resemble that of a Hollywood blockbuster (as the triple A quality of the title would imply) but rather of clever art-house movie that respects and loves its audience.  The Last of Us is not popcorn-fare but has more in common with the likes of movies such as Children of Men, 28 Days Later and the original Dead series as opposed to  the next “Brad Pitt” atrocity.

Naughty Dog, the developers behind this masterpiece, has been a cornerstone in Sony exclusives for a considerable amount of time.  They gave us Crash Bandicoot for the PlayStation; they gave us Jak & Daxter for the PS2 and, of course, Uncharted for the PS3.  It would seem that Uncharted was going to end Naughty Dogs contribution to the current gaming platform and what a way to sign off that would have been, Nathan Drake having cemented his place at the mascot for Sony fanboys across the globe.  With both the next generation and a certain Rockstar colossus looming in the horizon it would have been too easy for Naughty Dog to give in, spruce up the lighting effects a little and turn The Last of Us into a launch title for Playstation4.  By sticking to its roots The Last of Us has signed off the Playstation3 in style and elegance.

As I,myself, sign off it occurs that I have not even mentioned the competitive (if standard) multi-player or how great the graphics are and I believe in a lot of ways this illustrates just how special this game really is.  The Last of Us is a experience that will blow your mind and challenge your expectations it is the greatest game of its generation and, more importantly, takes you into a truly immersive and emotional journey that you will never forget.